July 2008

I see by adding this month's thought it has been a number of months since I have last written. There have been a number of reasons for this, one being that I have been going through a lot of personal change (which is par for the course using these tools!) and I haven't quite known how I felt about what was happening, or what I wanted. Many of us can go through times of change when it is hard to distinguished how we feel, which has a knock on effect on the decisions we make - how can we make a decision if we don't know how we feel about it? How can we make the right one?

Interestingly, during this time I co-presented a Q & A session with Anna Duschinksy on emotions as part of my work with the Optimum Health Clinic on Secrets to Recovery (from ME) Forum (www.secretstorecovery.co.uk) - you can listen to a sample of the discussion at www.secretstorecovery.com/freesample. The first question that we were asked was 'What is an emotion?' which of course got me thinking!

So what is an emotion? An emotion is part of our feedback mechanism. It tells us whether something feels good or bad, safe or dangerous, right or wrong for us. It's our internal response to the world, other people, our behaviours and our thoughts. There are two kinds of emotion - thought driven/created emotion and pure/instinctive emotion.

To receive the rest of this article, click here and sign up for Raincastles Free Newsletter.

If you are wanting to explore this further with me, Sarah, you can book a session by clicking here.

In the following months, I will be exploring how our emotions impact more specifically on our health, wealth and happiness.

Wishing you good emotional health.

Sarah

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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March and April 2008

'Make ‘The Secret' Work for you' Workbook

'Make 'The Secret' Work for You' was a workshop I ran in Richmond last October. By using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) and coaching, I worked with the group to show them how to align themselves with what they wanted to manifest on an energetic and belief level so that they started attracting what they truly wanted in their lives. The aim of the workshop was to help people who felt that the Law of Attraction (the essence of ‘The Secret') worked for others but not for them.

Feedback from the Workshop:

Sarah's workshop was effective, accessible and very dynamic and self-empowering. A lot of negativity was unblocked and I will definitely by using EFT to continue to change my life. Cumbria

I found the course very enlightening. I've never been to anything like this before, in fact my daughter dragged me along, but now I want to learn more! Very enjoyable! Richmond

As I already know quite a bit about EFT, I was concerned that I wouldn't learn anything, however this wasn't the case and I thoroughly enjoyed the workshop, in particular Sarah's intuitive approach and the hands on experiential style of the workshop. The group and the environment felt very safe and it was a very enjoyable day. Bradford

For the months of March and April I'm making the 'Make ‘The Secret' Work For You' workbook available for my newsletter subscribers. To download your copy, Sign Up for my Free Newsletter.

The workshop was based on The Secret (and Law of Attraction) and what to do if you are stuck, or the experience/results you are getting in life are not the ones that you want!

If you have not comes across The Secret it's based on the Law of Attraction. There are a couple of articles in the workbook if you are not familiar with the Law.

The workbook assumes a working knowledge of EFT. If you have not used EFT before you can download a free manual from Emofree.com. If you do not wish to use EFT, the questions are designed to give you an insight to where you may be getting stuck. Using the answers as EFT setup statements, you can start to work through your blocks to help nuetralise and clear them.

If you were one of the participants, why

not work through the book again? See how much you have moved on, and what's next to work on. Or use it for a different goal, or area of your life.

It also includes 9 Steps to Success.

If you wish to attend a workshop with me, click here.

Happy Easter

Sarah

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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February 2008

Happy New Year! Or belated Happy New Year!! I have come to realise that I don't actually start getting into the New Year until February time. I find that I like to spend January getting use to being back at work, enjoying my birthday, reflecting on the past year and thinking about the coming year. And this year, for the first time, I've not pushed or told myself I should be writing something for 1st January and have allowed myself to write when it felt right for me. And this is why I'm writing my New Year thoughts now. You may have started the year with the feeling of same old same old about the start of another New Year - self-reflection, planning goals, saying that this year will be the year that everything falls into place. You may have started

It is around this time when people seem to go off track, their willpower wanes, or they go back to their old habits, or the sheer effort of making a change is just too much. Is this where you are now?

To receive the rest of this article, click here and sign up for Raincastles Free Newsletter.

Sarah

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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November 2007

We, as humans, are naturally built to thrive and be full of energy, vitality and good health but certain factors can have a huge impact on whether we experience this or something very different. Stress is one of those factors. We have all experienced it in one form or another; long-term, short-term, intense, constant. We normally see stress as bad. In fact, a small of amount of stress can be good for us. It enables us to achieve those everyday challenges such as getting out of bed, crossing the road, going to work or school. And when we are challenged, our body produces mediators, hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which help to get us going and actually do all sorts of good things that keep us alive. Stress becomes bad for us when it turns into chronic or prolonged stress. Chronically high levels of stress hormones, like adrenaline (which can drop as the body goes into 'burn-out'), suppress the immune system and reduce the body's ability to defend or repair itself. This may occur after a short period of intense stress or after a longer of period of a number of stressors.

Our body is built to tolerate a certain amount of stress. In fact it can tolerate a substantial amount of stress, but we are only built to sustain temporary or short term stress. Physiologically, we are pretty much the same as we were in prehistoric times. Stressful events then had a short-term end. One of the major stresses was the possibly of an attack from an animal. If you think about it, its considerable stress but it does have short term end. The options are: we out run, or manoeuvre, it; kill it; or it kills us. Whatever the outcome the stressful event will be resolved pretty quickly. Today our stressors are very different. They are more long term such as taking on a mortgage, or they are something we can't fight or run away from such pressure of paying the bills (which is how we're built to respond to stressful events). Once our stress turns into longer term stress, if it is not kept in balance with rest, support or doing things that are right for us, our capacity for managing it diminishes. This is when stress becomes chronic resulting in fatigue and a whole number of symptoms such as anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue and illness, addictions etc. In the UK over 13 million working days are lost every year because of stress. Stress is believed to trigger 70% of visits to doctors, and 85% of serious illnesses (UK HSE stress statistics).

There are four main ways that we can experience stress - physical, mental, emotional and environmental.

Physically we are stressed by prolonged activity without adequate rest and nutrition, consistently pushing ourselves beyond our limits, an unhealthy diet, contracting a 'flu virus, receiving vaccines, or lack of sleep. Mentally we are stressed by what we focus on and our habitual thinking patterns, such as 'It'll probably go wrong', 'It always goes wrong', 'I can't do it', 'What's the point?', and focusing on all the reasons why it will go wrong and therefore expecting it to go wrong. Emotionally we are stressed by unresolved traumas and events from the past and negative beliefs that are formed because of this, being in a situation that is not right for us, an unhealthy relationship, the wrong job, not being able to say no and putting others first, not meeting our emotional needs and compromising too often on the things that are important to us. Environmental stress comes from heavy metals, pestisides, viruses, bacteria etc

So what can we do? Click here to sign up for Raincastles Free Monthly Newsletter to receive more information about the different kind of stressors and this month's stress management tips. Sarah Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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September and October 2007

I was interviewed earlier this month by Alex Howard of the Optimum Health Clinic on 'Secrets to Recovery' (if you have ME/CFS or know someone who has, click here to find out more information).

My work with the Optimum Health Clinic is in addition to continuing to work as an independent practitioner with ME/CFS and other conditions such as fear/anxiety, weight and food issues, and personal and spiritual development.

Secrets to Recovery - Meeting 9: September 4th 2007 7:00pm (UK time) - Interview with Sarah Marshall At the age of 25, Sarah fulfilled her dream of going travelling but suffered a severe bout of dysentery and returned home with her health compromised. After a few months her health returned but after a year of working back at her extremely demanding job in computing in London she was finding that she was tired and ill most of the time. Eventually she was forced to give up work and return to her home town after being diagnosed with ME. Having had her life taken away from her, Sarah embarked upon on her own journey of discovery about why she got ill, what was preventing her from recovering her health and how to turn that around. Amongst the key things that enabled Sarah to fully recover, the Lightning Process taught her how to switch off the stress response, and EFT was invaluable at releasing the suppressed emotions from childhood and beliefs that had led to her pushing herself to the extremes physically and mentally. Sarah had ME for over 5 years and has been fully recovered for over 2 years during which she has been working as a full-time practitioner in Darlington working in the majority with ME/CFS/anxiety. In this interview, Sarah will be talking about not only her inspirational journey with M.E., but also her experience treating dozens of M.E. patients from originally a slightly different view point to the team at the clinic. We are additionally extremely excited to announce that from September Sarah will be joining the psychology department at The Optimum Health Clinic, treating patients in the “North” of the country. This is an interview not to be missed.

For those of you that don't have any interest in ME/CFS, my condition resulted in not being true to myself and overriding the signals/feedback that our body and emotions give us to show that we're not doing what is truly right for us. If we continually ignore these signals the end result is dis'ease', which in my case was ME/CFS. I also talk about the things that I found helpful and my experience of moving forward in a different way.

Alex has kindly given permission for me to share this interview so September's thought of the month is my story from ill health to full recovery. If you would like to listen to the interview, Sign Up for Raincastles Free Monthly Newsletter which includes monthly thoughts and tips in September and October and you will receive a link to the recording.

To find out more about working with me, click here.

Sarah

(Note: Whilst these therapeutic techniques have achieved excellent results, they are not a replacement for appropriate medical care. Where appropriate, these techniques should always to be used in conjunction with consultation and medical care from a qualified physician or specialist. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury).

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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August 2007

One of my main areas of work is personal development using various techniques with EFT being the main one. The principle behind EFT is ‘The cause of all negative emotion is a disruption in the body's energy system' so when we think about past memories that are still unresolved, or have emotion still attached to them, it's because there is a disruption in our energy system around that memory. It's as though the memory or event has not been fully processed and released/resolved, so when we focus on its as though it's still ongoing. The way we use EFT to resolve how we are feeling in the present is by going back to the original event and using EFT to clear the disruption, and therefore the emotion, and this allows us to resolve or feel closure around the event and resolve any issue that it is creating in our present life. For example, if we respond with anger to situations in the present inappropriately, say we get angry whenever there's a queue in a shop we wish to buy something from, the inappropriate anger is not about the queue but about an unresolved event in the past. If it was really the queue we were angry about everyone in the queue would be responding with anger. Once the original event is cleared, the queue will no longer trigger us, and we can calmly decide whether we are willing to stand in a queue or not.

Working as a practitioner I recently had a similar experience with a number of clients. We had worked through the past events that had come up and they experience change in their present life as a result, but unlike other clients it didn't completely resolve the emotional difficulty they were experiencing. This led me back to thinking what if it's also about what hadn't happened? So we went back to the original events and the times around them that had caused the issues they were currently experiencing and I asked them what their self at that time (their younger self) needed instead. A couple of clients needed someone who was on their side to give them the love and support they needed. Another needed their 'adult wise self' to explain what was going on to their 'child-self' and to keep them safe. One of my clients has kindly given permission to use their experience in this context.

My client had always, as far as she could remember, lived in a state of fear - that something bad was going to happen to her. She felt people were just waiting for her to get something wrong so that they would then have an excuse to punish her. We had tapped on a number experiences from her past when she had done something wrong in the eyes of the other person and she had been punished severely for it. We were able to neutralize each event that came up and each time the fear would lessen for a while and then return. One event/memory that kept coming up was of her sat in the living room of a house she had lived in when she was around 3 years old. She could feel herself set there, being watched by Mum, with an intense fear and pressure that she must keep doing everything right. In fact, she couldn't concentrate on the toy she was playing with at the time as she felt she had to 'brace' herself for the punishment she was sure would happen. We tapped on every aspect (an aspect is a part of the memory or issue - aspects in this case were 'her mother staring', 'frozen with fear', 'I must get it right') that came up but the emotion/fear and how she felt about the memory didn't change.

There are many ways of working with our 'Inner Child' and this is just one of them. I have used this technique a number of times since, in a unique way for each client, using the question 'What did they/you need at the time?' Each of my clients has said it has helped them shift in a way they were unable before, and for me this answered my thought of whether we can use EFT to help us with what may have not happened and therefore missed out on as a child that maybe still affecting us today.

To find out more about working with Sarah in this way, click here.

Sarah

(Note: Whilst these therapeutic techniques have achieved excellent results, they are not a replacement for appropriate medical care. Where appropriate, these techniques should always to be used in conjunction with consultation and medical care from a qualified physician or specialist. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury).

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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July 2007

I'm in the process of building a new website which will be up and running in the next couple of months. I'm taking this time as an opportunity to evaluate the information that is currently on the site. Thoughts of the month will be back in August.

Sarah

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. You should always consult your doctor before using any type of self-help treatment. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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June 2007

Sometimes we can get so caught up in achieving our goals, and when our goal is regaining our health it's hard not to, that we can lose sight of what is also important which ironically is also an important part of achieving our goals. Nine years ago I became ill and it took me over five years to recover. Since that time I don't feel like I've stopped working to achieve my goals, in fact the reason I got ill in the first place is because I didn't stop! I have learnt to stop but my focus doesn't shift away from my goals for long and then I'm back working towards them again. One of the keys to achieving our goals is being able to consistently work towards them, and for that we need good health and energy. If we're always working, and not spending time re-charging our batteries, we're not going to get there. What re-charges our batteries? - Rest, Relaxation, and Fun! So what do you really enjoy? What makes you smile? What can you do, even for just a couple of minutes, that allows you to let go of any stress you may be carrying, forget what you're trying to achieve, and that brings you back to the present moment? Life is to be enjoyed.

Another thing that can help us to achieve our goals is having support - having a good support network can be the difference that you need to achieve your goals. Are you spending a lot of time with your support network? Do you have a support network? Our obvious networks can be our family, friends, colleagues, or specific support groups - support can come from surprising places. Where does your support come from? Do the people you look to for support make you feel good? Are they the right support for you? In the case of some people, they may think they are being supportive, yet can cause more problems than they help solve. Is it time to change or strengthen your support network? Who makes you feel good by just being around them? Who makes you feel that you can get through anything with their support? I was very lucky when I was in my darkest period of illness that I had a very small and solid support group, which has continued to grow. I only started to recover once I had the right people and the right support around me. I feel very blessed to have the people I have in my life.

If you do nothing else this month, think about what makes you feel good and spend a least a few minutes each day doing it. Make arrangements to spend time with people who matter to you and give you the support you need - just spending time with them maybe the only support you need. Life is about feeding our souls. Not only will it help you feel good, but it will also give the energy and motivation to keep moving forward towards your goal. Recognise that at any given time, you are doing the best you can. You may not have reached your goal, you may not be feeling how you want to feel, you may not be living the live yet that you want to live, you may not have found what you're looking for but at every moment you are doing the best you can with what you have got. Be kind to yourself. Focus on what you have achieved so far. Think of how you'd support a friend who was in a similar position and what you'd say to them - say it yourself!

What will you be doing today that you're looking forward to? Happy June-ing!

Sarah

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. You should always consult your doctor before using any type of self-help treatment. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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May 2007

I've recently been working with two clients using EFT who's sessions have both led me to thinking about The Law of Attraction and how it works when we're children. If we take The Law of Attraction at face value - we attract what we focus on - then this would literally mean we attracted everything that happened to us as children. Now if our childhood was abusive (whether it was emotional, mental, physical or sexual) then taking it literally it would mean we attracted it. This is something that doesn't fit with me because the child is always innocent in the abusive situation. My two clients have very kindly given me permission to use their sessions in this context - both clients have had or are working through M.E/CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). The first client had fully recovered from M.E. and we were now using EFT to clear trauma that she experienced in her childhood which she believes led to her eventually getting M.E. in her adult life. Although she was fully recovered, she

So we started with the belief 'Everything's my fault'. As we started using EFT, I asked her where she learnt this and her Mum came into her mind (by asking 'where did she learn this?' I did not necessarily mean literally, although this is the case sometimes, but a lot of the time something happens, or someone does something to us, and we 'learn' from that event how things are i.e. 'everything's my fault').

So we then moved onto 'Mum taught me that everything's my fault'. I then asked her when she learnt this and she got a sense of being in the womb (when you start using EFT, events and memories start to connect even though logically there may not seem to be any obvious connection). I asked how she felt. She felt that she was 'receiving' anger from her Mum through their connection, and she could feel it flowing into her. Although from now on I'm going to leave out how we used EFT, we did use it to clear the negative emotions that came up as things unfolded.

I then asked my client to imagine being her Mum at that time and tell me what was going on. She felt her Mum was under a lot of pressure. She was very young and was working full time and her husband spent a lot of time with his friends. She felt that she had very little support and her pregnancy was making her very tired and she blamed her pregnancy, and therefore her child, for making her life even more difficult and this is what my client had picked up - it was all her fault.

Although my client picked all of this up, it would have been non-verbal at the time - on a feeling/energetic level. So my client's feeling or energy vibration (think of how it feels to walk into a room with a 'bad' atmosphere, also see March and April Thought's of the Month) was 'it's my fault' and this is what she had been sending out since she was born. Now if you believe everything that goes wrong is your fault and people will be right to blame you, you are naturally going to fear 'things going wrong', and when we fear something, this can become our focus which is what happened in my client's case. Now if you're sending out a 'it's my fault' vibration, you will attract people who are looking to bully or blame others, which is what my client experienced - she had experienced a lot of bullying in her childhood. As anyone one knows, things do go wrong but when they did for my client and people blamed her, she naturally accepted it because she knew it was (emotionally) 'true' because of her belief. This further confirmed that everything was her fault, and strengthened her belief and therefore her vibration. My client could have blamed her Mum for all of this and to begin with there was a lot of anger towards her Mum. She also felt a lot of pain that her Mum could feel that way towards her. Through using EFT and releasing the emotions, my client gained perspective and understanding, and eventually forgiveness (although this does not mean that she condoned her Mum's behaviour or said that what her Mum did was right).

The work we did together had a profound effect on my client because previously she had no idea why she had this negative belief and she felt that she must just be a type of person that got everything wrong, and her whole life had reflected this, and she blamed herself because she must have been attracting it. At the end of the session, she felt logically, and more importantly, emotionally that everything wasn't her fault.

The other client contacted me regarding the Lightning Process but she felt she wasn't sure she deserved to be healthy. In fact she scored herself 6 out of 10 on 'deserving to be healthy' and we both agreed that to get the most out of the course, she needed to strengthen it so we booked a couple of EFT sessions over the phone. In the first session, she felt life was precarious. When we traced it back using EFT, she too found herself before birth. Her Mum had been told that there was only a 50% chance of being able to carry her child full-term and that there was a strong chance she would lose her child. Her Mum had desperately wanted her and love her from the moment she found out she was pregnant but my client had picked up that she may not survive and the uncertainty of whether she deserved to be healthy was formed.

Now coming back to the Law of Attraction and children. These are only my thoughts. In these two cases, my clients' beliefs were formed before birth and this had set up on a feeling/energetic level what they would be attracting. Depending on our beliefs, we could say that we must have been attracted to our parents to begin with. The Law of Attraction is not the only Universal Law in action, there is the Law of Karma amongst others. As with many things, we can either take them literally or we can study the subtleties and start to understand that there is much more to them than initially thought. In the case of the Law of Attraction and childhood, may be one of the reasons why we experience what we do in childhood is connected to our 'energy vibration/what we attract' being set up before we are born as in the case of my two clients. I do believe there is so much we are not aware of but by looking into the subtleties we can start to gain an understanding and an opportunity to change.

No matter what you are attracting, or where it started, the key to change is accepting where you are now and working through what is preventing you from attracting what you do want in your life using a number of tools available including EFT.

Sarah

As an aside, not everyone who gets ME/CFS has strong unresolved issues from their childhood. For a lot of people, it occurs after an intensely stressful period in their adult life and their body gets "stuck" in a stress/illness loop. For others, similar to my clients, it occurs from a build up of a number of stressful events starting in childhood/adolescence. The keys for recovery in both cases, are resolving what caused the stress in the first place and resolving the ongoing stress of being stuck in the illness loop. If you'd like to find out more, see clients' recovery stories.

(Note: Whilst these therapeutic techniques have achieved excellent results, they are not a replacement for appropriate medical care. Where appropriate, these techniques should always to be used in conjunction with consultation and medical care from a qualified physician or specialist. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury).

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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April 2007

Last April I attended "The Power of Self-Acceptance" and "The Psychology of Peak Performance" workshops with Steve Wells and Dr David Lake from Australia, who specialize in using Provocative Energy Techniques. As part of the Peak Performance workshop we wrote down everything we wanted in our lives, or wanted to achieve, and we used that as a starting point to prioritising what was important to us and what goals we wanted to set. When setting goals it is important to encompass values and use them as a measure of how right your goals are for you. For example, if your top 3 values are 'Family/Love', 'Health' and 'Fulfillment' and you choose a goal that requires you to work 100 hours a week at something you don't particularly enjoy and it will take you away from your family for weeks at a time, you're going to have a conflict (if it is not just a temporary measure to working/or achieving what does fit in with your values). When you're taking time off to spend with your family and you're not completing your 100 hours a week as a result, you'll be thinking that you should be putting in the hours. And when you're at work, you'll be resenting the time you're away

from your family. If it also something that you don't particularly enjoy, and fulfillment is something that is high on your list of values, you're going to have another conflict whilst you're at work. This inner conflict, if left unresolved, leads to stress and physical and emotional dis-ease. And whenever we have internal conflicts, we're not 100% 'there' in either place because our thoughts are elsewhere and as a result: we don't reach our full potential; we're not able to be truly happy; and our health suffers.

Looking back over the year and the goals I set last April, the most interesting things I have learnt are: how I had previously achieved goals; and how I had to change to achieve the goals I had set. Previously I had set goals I was confident that I could achieve, or were around things I knew I was good at. The goals I set last April were things that I really wanted but I deliberately set them further away from what I believed was possible at the time - I didn't have the level of confidence that I previously had in the goals I had set.

With the goals that I had achieved before, I believed they were possible and I had a good idea before setting them how I was going to achieve them. With the ones I set in April, I had a lot work to do on all the beliefs, the 'yes but's...', and the 'I can't's' to move into a place of faith. I also realised that my way of achieving goals in the past was forceful - I had gone out and made things happen but this time I didn't know the 'how to's' either.

But how can you achieve something when you don't know 'how to' and you don't believe you can make happen? The simple answer is: EFT and a lot of persistence.

EFT allows us to work through and resolve beliefs that are just that - beliefs. If we truly believe we can't earn more than a certain amount say £100,000 then we are not going to be 'open' to anything that will enable us to do that. If we are given an opportunity that could lead to us to creating the possibility, we will either talk ourselves out of it, dismiss it and self-sabotage (unconsciously) ourselves because it does not fit with our reality - 'I can't earn more than £100,000. If we worked through this belief to 'I can earn more than £100,000' and truly believed it, instead of dismissing it we would instead be open to receive it. This comes back to last month's Thought of the Month and "open to receiving". Once we have sent out our desire/wish/goal, in order to receive it, we need to have the vibration that still matches our desire/wish/goal. For example, we decide we want a new bigger house. We sit down and think about it and decide on what we want in the new house and we then go to an Estate Agent. We give the Estate Agent the list of our requirements for them to find our new house. The agent is now committed in finding our new house. If once the agent has found a house that matches what we want and they try and get in contact and we don't return their calls or go to see them, we are no longer "open" to receiving.

It's the same with our thoughts. When we concentrate on our wish/desire/goal (and not the lack of it) we send out a vibration to the universe. The universe then answers with opportunities, 'chance' meetings, offers of help, the sudden urge to buy a paper that contains the very information we're looking for, or to contact someone with a great idea we have had. We can only "receive" those signals if we're still sending out the same vibration by concentrating on our wish/desire/goal.

The strongest example I have of this from the past year was at the workshop itself. One of my goals was to strengthen my sense of self-worth. I wasn't even sure how I could set this as a goal as I didn't know how to measure it - at least if you want to get fit, you can set a goal of being able to run 3 miles or swim 50 lengths. Towards the end of the workshop I briefly talked with someone who helped me work at that it would be a feeling; that's how I'd know I had achieved it. This then led to information about an EFT Retreat ran by EFT Masters Ann Ross and Jaqui Crooks. Due to various circumstances I was unable to attend but I decided to sign up for the next one. Once the retreat came around it was perfect timing to work on what I needed to strengthen my sense of self-worth. Although the retreat was held 10 months after the workshop, the chance meeting that led to it took place 1 hour after after setting the goal. If I have not kept concentrating on my goal in between those times, I may have decided not to go on the retreat, or I wouldn't have worked through the things I needed to that enabled me to achieve what I did at the retreat.

So over the last year, it was only by focusing on my goals and using EFT to clear the fears and doubts around them that allowed me to be open to receiving the opportunities as they arrived. And it wasn't until I starting thinking about about this month's 'Though of the Month' that I decided to get my book out and see how many goals I'd achieved. As I looked down my list and the dates of when I would achieve them, I realised that I had achieved them all with astonishing accuracy.

The last year hasn't ran smoothly; I've had a number of lessons that I needed to learn, and a few tears were shed along the way. And this didn't matter because I kept putting myself back on track, focusing on what I did want and used EFT to clear anything that was preventing me from having faith.

So here I am thinking about what goals I will be setting for myself next, excited and a little scared - mainly from my own expectations of what I expect of myself once I have achieved something. This is just part of the next set of things to clear with EFT.

If you were to set your desires/wants/goal now, what would you love to achieve/have in your life this time next year? Is it possible...? And are you willing to let that hold you back, or is it time to approach it in a different way?

Sarah

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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March 2007

The Law of Attraction and the Palace of Possibilities 'Every thought vibrates, every thought radiates a signal, and every thought attracts a matching signal back. We call that process the Law of Attraction, the most powerful Law in the Universe .' Ask and it is Given, Learning to Manifest Your Desires - Esther ands Jerry Hicks The Teachings of Abraham There has been a lot in the press recently, and a number of books/dvds published, on the Law of Attraction - That which is like unto itself is drawn. It states that we attract what we consistently focus on. That our consistent thoughts about our wants and desires attract our wants and desires, and each thought has a vibration. We can pick up this vibration on a subtle level. It's the experience we can have when a person who is angry enters a room. They don't have to say anything, you can just "feel" their anger. And it is this vibration that is sending out a "signal", and it is this signal that attracts, and brings in, our wants and desires. It is similar to a radio signal. Each radio station sends out a different signal. Every time we "tune" into that signal, we pick up that station.

But you may be thinking that 'this isn't true' because you haven't got what you want or desire, or you may believe it but this is not your experience, "Yes but it's not true for me". You may want/desire good health, a great relationship, financial success and you want to achieve it in an easy and joyful way, and yet your reality is very different. Does the following sound familiar? You set your goals, you put in blood, sweat and tears to achieve them and still get nowhere. So you pick yourself up, try something different, be determined that this time it will work, and you believe that you really want to achieve or attain it and you're willing to put in the work. You convince yourself that you just went about it in the wrong way last time. And yet again you fail but you can't work out what you've done wrong, in fact all that you see is that you've done it right!

This is when we get into the subtleties of the Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction matches what we send out but it can seem that we're sending out one thing (our wants and desires) and getting the opposite back. We need to look deeper. We may think we're sending out the right "signal" but we maybe concentrating on the lack of our wants and desires. For example, if we're wanting to earn more money and we may have a certain figure that we have in mind. Focusing on that figure may cause us to focus on the lack of that money now. We may be sending out "I want to earn £40,000 a year" but we may be spending most of our time focusing on the fact that we're not earning that much now. So the Law of Attraction sends back the lack instead of the want - the Law of Attraction matches and supplies the signal whether we want it or not.

You may say, "I'm ill and I definitely haven't attracted that" (now I'm not pretending to have all the answers, if any, but I'm looking to present possibilities of why illness has been attracted into your life so it can start to give you an opportunity to look at things in a different way and possibly find the answer you're looking for). We may have contracted our illness through stress of a bad relationship break up, losing our job, being physically attacked or just ongoing underlying stress that we have not been aware of. You may not have focused on illness but you may have been focusing on what was wrong, which is natural when we experiences these things, which lowered your vibration to a level that attracted illness. There are lots of cases on Gary Craig's (founder of EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques) website www.emofree.com, mine and many, many other practitioners around the world of people recovering from physical illnesses once they have addressed emotional issues and traumatic events.

So it may not be your conscious thoughts that are attracting what you don't want but your unconscious thoughts. We may be concentrating on attracting financial wealth on a conscious level but unconsciously we may sending out something entirely different. We may have beliefs that we're not aware of such as "People like us don't earn much money", and it is this that we're sending out. This may have been formed from the beliefs of parents, peers, media, or past experiences, and although we may not be aware of it, it is this that is attracting our lack of money. In order for you to receive that which you desire, your desires and beliefs must be a vibrational match (on all levels)

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) founder Gary Craig has a concept called 'Palace of Possibilities' (click here for DVD). It is Gary's belief, and mine, that we all live in a Palace of Possibilities. That it is filled with expansive rooms of abundance, health and joy, and on the walls of each room is the 'writing on our walls'. The 'writing on our walls' are our, or others, beliefs about our world, our experience of our world, and ourselves. It is made up of beliefs, opinions, attitudes, limits, can't's, should's, and should not's. These are beliefs handed down from parents, family, peers, friends, the media, and are formed when they fit in with our experiences. For example, if every time we get something wrong and we're told we're a "bad boy/girl", we start to believe that we're a bad person - we take it on as an identity. From then on, anything that doesn't fit with our identity of being a bad person gets disregarded. If we do something well, and we receive praise, we'll disregard it maybe by thinking "They're only being nice, they don't mean it". Our rational thinking behind it maybe 'bad people don't get/deserve praise' therefore we find a way of making it fit with our reality. We live in the rooms where "we belong"; the "I'm a bad person and therefore undeserving" room in this case.

There are many subtleties to the Law of Attraction a couple more being "open to receiving" and "willing to act". This is just a look at where you can start to go with this, if you haven't already.

I'm putting together a workshop to include these principles and how to use EFT to change your vibration to match what you want. If you're interested, Sign Up for Raincastles Free Monthly Newsletter, which includes monthly thoughts and tips, and the details of the workshop will be mailed out in the next couple of months.

Sarah

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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February 2007

One of the destructive patterns we can run is to compare ourselves to others unfavourably. If we're ill we can look at others who are healthy and wonder what we're doing wrong, or someone who is more successful and think that we're a failure because we haven't achieved that level of success. This is especially destructive if we're comparing ourselves to someone in a similar situation especially when the other person is getting the results that we want that we haven't achieved yet. We start to believe, if we're following the same process or journey, that we must be doing it wrong, or that they are better than us, or that it's not working for us and use this to beat ourselves up and discourage ourselves from continuing. If we were to view it from the opposite perspective - if they can do it so can I, even if it takes me longer and I may get different results at first, I'm going to keep at it because I know there is a way because that person has done it - it becomes encouraging and can provide us with the inspiration to keep going and achieve our success. I train and work with many people to turn their lives and health around. Some people arrive already having done a lot of work towards what they want to achieve and working with me is the final key to their success or recovery. Others arrive towards the beginning of their journey and have more work to do before they are achieving the same level of success or health. Some people also

In my mid twenties, I was ill for a few years. I lost many of the things that were important to me at the time and it was painful to go through, and although I thought I was ready to move on, I needed to go through certain experiences to learn from them to enable me to leave the whole experience behind.

During the first part of my illness, I sat and watched my friends and peers move on in their lives - getting married, having children, progressing in their careers - whilst they left me behind. I spent many hours questioning, 'Why me?' At the time it did serve me well as it lead me to question why I was at that point, but to guarantee that I would fully recover I had to adopt a very different attitude.

I started to look for stories of people who had succeeded against the odds to give me proof it could be done. At times I did think why had they been able to find a way when at that point I hadn't. Everytime I thought in this way, I felt down and discouraged and I lost the energy to keep going. I knew that I wasn't going to achieve anything if I kept doing this. So the choice was mine, to carry on down the destructive path or to put myself back on track. After a few false starts, I learnt it doesn't matter if you fall off track, but what does matter is how long you allow yourself to stay there and how you respond to it.

We are all on a journey, I'm still on mine. I achieved full recovery a number of years ago and now I'm just continuing on to my next goal and challenge. We may or may not know how far down our journey we are and we may not know how much work we have left to do to achieve our goals, it may be a New Year Resolution that you are still working towards, or it maybe that it is now the time to make the change or to do something different. Consider this, which pattern is going to serve you best?

Sarah

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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January 2007

Wishing you a Happy New Year. And with the New Year come New Year Resolutions. For those of you who have made New Year resolutions, how many of them are resolutions from past years, and how many of them are new resolutions? If you have set yourself resolutions from the past i.e. losing weight, giving up smoking, finding a partner, setting up in business, making changes to yourself or your life, what is going to make the difference this time? It may be why you are sat reading this now, looking for that elusive magic that will turn your past failures into successes. What is your expectation this time around? Our brain naturally builds its expectation from past events and associations. If you've set yourself the same goal and at the same time each year, our brain is building expectation from what normally happens. And so we begin again.

In the western world, January isn't a great time to set resolutions as we're in the season of winter. In Chinese medicine terms winter is when everything slows down and is the time for storage. Ying energy (the forces of darkness and conservation) dominates over Yang (the force of light and serenity) which means wrapping up and taking it easy to avoid problems with kidney energy. In terms of diet and exercise, its the time to store up on food and energy by tucking into food and easing off on exercise in preparation for the burst of activity of spring. (Taken from Manchester online).

It's also the time when we have traditionally overindulged and maybe feeling emotionally flat after the seasonal festivities. To then make quite large changes, can seem like a mountain to climb. We may not know where to start, or the change may seem to be too overwhelming. We may also be aware of the factors that caused us to fail in the first place. Do any of the following strike a cord?

'Lack of motivation, self-sabotaging, thinking its too hard/difficult/too much bother, not enough willpower, not enough time, costs too much, I've not achieved it in the past, I've always been this way, people like me don't/aren't that way/achieve those things, it's too uncomfortable. The list goes on..'

If you recognise any of these behaviours or beliefs, you will have a battle on your hands. You will be using up energy that you could be using to achieve your goals to just maintain the status quo. No wonder it can feel it's too hard to achieve our goals. All of this, coupled with past failures, can seem more that we can achieve. No wonder we seem to have the same goals year in year out.

The way we word it also adds to the load. We tend to concentrate on what we don't want i.e. weight, smoking, ill health, my job, my relationship, my situation etc. and usually what we're going to have to give up to achieve it. If we're constantly focused on losing weight, we're focused on weight and that we're losing something. There's a saying, 'We get what we focus on'. Last year one of my goals was to pass my motorbike test (which I achieved). I thought it was going to be one of my easier goals to achieve. I passed my driving test easily enough and expected my bike test to be the same. In the scheme of things, I did pass it quite easily, but what I hadn't accounted for, was the fact it became a metaphor for my life. Many of the things we want to change are metaphors for life. If we've never felt that we have fitted in, it could be why we don't fit into the size of jeans that would allow us to join in.

When riding a motorbike, or any kind of bike, you naturally steer to where you are looking. If you're constantly focusing on where you don't want to go, then that's where you're going and when you're on a bike this very quickly becomes apparent! You also achieve what you believe. If you believe you can't turn around in a certain space (although you know it's possible as you've see your instructor do it several times) then you won't do it. We achieve exactly what we believe. If we believe its going to be hard, or that we were told often enough that we'll never amount to anything and that becomes our focus, then we're almost guaranteeing that's how it'll be. Our outcome is formed by our beliefs.

So we go on a diet, and our association with diets tend to be loss or restriction of the things we like to eat. We label things as good or bad, and bad food is usually the food we want to eat so we're being bad on a regular basis! And we're giving up instant gratification for a long term reward. No wonder diets are not a piece of cake (pardon the pun).

There is another way. The reason why we don't succeed is because all of these negative behaviours, and beliefs, serve a valuable purpose. They are serving a need, and if we don't address that need, then we will either go back to the original behaviour or find another to take its place. It's the reason why a lot of people give up one negative behaviour i.e. smoking, only to replace it will another, i.e. overeating. The reason why we needed to smoke in the first place has not been addressed. Once this is addressed and resolved, then the behaviour will naturally fall away as there is no longer any need to be served, and a renewed sense of energy is experienced as there is no longer a battle going on. We can then set goals of what we do want and what that is going to give us. We are now focusing on what we want and what we're going to gain. We are motivated by rewards, feeling good and we get what we focus on.

Although passing my test was exhilarating, what I learned on a deeper level about myself, life and how I achieve things has been invaluable and stands me in good stead for what I want to achieve this year. Once you have one success, then your expectation is formed from success, and your expectation is your focus which becomes your reality.

For information about courses and training to learn the tools to resolve the underlying need, and tips on another way to achieve your goals or New Year resolutions, Sign Up for Raincastles Free Monthly Newsletter.

Wishing you a 2007 filled with goals achieved.

Sarah

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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December 2006

As it is Christmas, I've chosen the following quote:

The Lord Jesus Christ proclaimed that the “first and great commandment” was to love…”the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind” (Matthew 22:36-38). Then He stated the second commandment, “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets” (Matthew 22:39-40)

How many of us truly love ourselves for how we are in this very moment? Love ourselves including our faults, mistakes, past, regrets, imperfections? How many of us could look into a mirror and say 'I love you' and mean it, just as if we were saying it to another? I'm guessing not many.

There's a line in Bridget Jones where Mark Darcy says to Bridget, 'I love you just the way you are'. When recalling this to her friends, the response was something like, 'Not thinner? Not if you drank less? Not if you were funnier?' They were astounded that there were no conditions. How many of us actually feel that way about ourselves - 'I love myself just as I am'?

So, if we don't love ourselves just the way we are, how does loving others as ourselves impact on our relationships including our relationship with the people we love, the people we meet and our relationship to the environment we live in? And how can we truly love another for how they are, warts and all, if we don't do just that with ourselves? We may think we do, but secretly we may wish they were kinder, more understanding, more patient, hang the towel up after using it, look at things from our point of view more often, offer to do the washing up/cleaning/mowing the lawn. The list can go on and on.

I had a client that always 'snapped' verbally at her partner everytime their partner lost their temper when things didn't go their way. My client felt that she was patient and thought she calmly worked through things when they didn't go to plan and expected her partner to do the same. Once she started looking from it from a different perspective, she realised that she did get frustrated when things didn't go her way, they were just in different situations to when her partner got frustrated, and she wasn't very tolerant of her partner's 'imperfections' because she wasn't very tolerant of her own. She was patient in most areas of her life, but she was extremely impatient around her partner's impatience, whilst her partner was very patient with her!

If we accepted our own imperfections, how much easier would we find accepting the imperfections of others? And by accepting ourselves it enables us to make changes and move forward in our lives in a positive way. This is not to say that we must accept behaviour that is unacceptable, including our own behaviour. We need to take responsibility for our behaviour and decide what is, and what isn't, acceptable. By accepting all aspects of ourselves it allows us to own our negative behaviour, and its impact, and take responsibility for changing what isn't acceptable or what has a negative impact on ourselves and others.

So as Christmas draws near and we share Christmas and New Year wishes with our friends, colleagues, neighbours, and clients, start by sharing some of those wishes with yourself.

Wishing you, and myself, a Peaceful Christmas and a Prosperous New Year!

Sarah

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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November 2006

Adding a new current month section in preparation for writing this month's 'Thought of the Month' I noticed I've been writing my thoughts for over a year. Looking back over that time, I've gone through some major changes professionally and personally. Some exciting, others pretty challenging, and some that at the time I really didn't want to go through as I had many doubts of whether I was up to the challenge. I now know that I was up to it and it all turned out well, and I grew and learnt a lot from the challenges I faced. With the gift of hindsight, I wouldn't change a thing as I needed to experience everything I went through to get to where I am now. If I wrote down my thoughts at the time, they probably wouldn't have been so philosophical!

'She had always been sceptical but was curious enough to go along with her friend to the Psychic Reading. She thought she had gone along with an open mind but it wasn't until afterwards she realised she had a very fixed view of what she had expected. She fell uneasy about how accurate the reading had been and there had been no mention of meeting a tall, dark stranger. This made her smile as she had already met her tall, dark stranger and married him.

***

As she watched the person run away, she wasn't even sure if they had been male or female, and from the silhouette disappearing from her she still couldn't work it out. It had all happened so quickly. She had walked this way home from the tube station many times and had felt safe. This time was no different. She was shocked by the whole incident. The only things she could remember were being held tightly around her neck, the strong smell of sweat, or was it fear, and a jab in her side. They wanted her bag and after all the recent reports, she knew that she would rather lose her bag than risk being fatally injured. This was not a conscious thought until she sat there trying work out what had happened.

It was at this point that she noticed she was holding on tightly to an object in her pocket. She pulled it out and saw that it was the coin shaped object that was given to her at the end of her Psychic reading. From what she could remember, it worked in a similar way to the mood ring she had as a teenager. The ring responded to the heat from her finger and changed colour to show her which mood she was in. It always showed her to be in a good mood which angered her. At the time she felt like the whole world was against her and no-one understood, a little like her teenage son now.

As she let go of the coin and the words 'You'll be ok' became visible, a couple came out from the house opposite.

'We've rang the police. Would you like a drink inside whilst you wait?'

It had often amused her husband that she was very British in times of stress; she always wanted a strong cup of tea. 'Yes that would be good, thank you'.

***

It was months until she could face sorting through his clothes. Her eyes stung as she recalled sitting by his bed as if it was yesterday desperately hoping for a medical miracle. The next few months were just a blur. She wasn't sure how she had got through it. She still felt she couldn't go on most of the time . She wasn't even sure if this was a good idea as the slightest thing could still tip her over the edge. Not even her closest friends and family could offer any comfort during these times and that really scared her. Each time she wasn't sure if she would make it back.

She sat back on the bed summoning up the courage to open up his wardrobe door. Looking into the mirrored door she saw something reflecting back from on the bed. She turned round and reached for it. It was the coin that supposedly predicted the future. She couldn't remember the last time she had used it. It had been over two years since the robbery on the way home from work. She had no idea how it came to be lying on the bed. It must had fallen out of the pocket of something. She held onto it wishing it to tell her what she needed to hear but she knew nothing could bring him back. As she gazed down at it, the words 'You'll be ok' appeared. She felt just as she did as a teenager when she saw her ring was showing her to be in a good mood when she was anything but. She tossed the coin into a drawer next to the bed and forgot about it.

Over the next couple of weeks she felt a little better. Nothing she could put her finger on. She still suffered bouts of tremendous grief. Each seemed to give her a little more relief in passing. It wasn't until a couple of weeks later when she was on her usual hunt for her reading glasses that she found the coin lying in the drawer. Just like the last time she was compelled to see what it had to say. This time she was curious to what it had to say rather wanting confirmation to what she wanted to hear. Again, 'You'll be ok' appeared. She didn't attach any thought or reasoning to it. She just smiled.' Sarah L Brereton-Hobson

What if we could believe that whatever happens, we'll be ok, even if we don't feel it at the time, or can see anyway through? What if we could hold the belief of 'We'll be ok' through the hardest/darkest challenges like a life raft to keep us afloat until we can find a solution? How would that be? How would it be if we could have the same perspective/knowing when we're experiencing the difficult times that we experience once we've been through it?

I always knew that I would be ok going through some of the challenges I've been through in the past year, I just didn't always feel it at the time. If I was able to have the same feeling of certainty as I was going through it as I have now with hindsight, I would have done less stress and more enjoyment as I was experiencing it. Sometimes its the thought of not knowing that causes us to stress, rather than the thing itself.

Sarah

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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October 2006

I received news yesterday that a person I found to be an inspiration had died. One of the things that I had admired most about him was his attitude to life. He seemed to emanate positivity so when I heard the news it was a shock that someone so full of life could have their life cut short.

Just after I heard the news I read the following quote:

"The longer I live, the more I realise the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, then education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one thing we have, and that is our attitude...

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90 % how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes." Charles Swindoll

Our attitude to life is how we experience life, and how others experience us. If we respond to everything in a negative way, then that is what our experience of life will be. We may be focusing on the choices that we have are not the choices what we want. We may want a job that we love with that allows us to work part time but that may not be an option (at this time). The options may be: a job that we dislike that allows us to work part time; or a full time job we love. It is how we respond to these options that make the difference, and we always have the choice of how we respond. Sometimes it may not be obvious that we do have this choice. We may think that a certain person annoys us. We may start to get annoyed as soon as we see their name, or number, come up on our mobile even before we take the call. No-one can actually make us do anything. They may try very hard to make us respond in a certain way, but the only person that has control of our response is us. People will do what they do, and we choose how we respond to them. And the options that are available to us at any moment are just that, options, and how we respond to them is our choice. We always have that choice and we can choose to respond in a destructive or constructive way; again that's our choice.

I worked with a client who wanted help to finish off a project for a college course they were doing. They wanted the qualification it would give them but they didn't want to put in the work that was required to finish it. The option they wanted wasn't available; to get the qualification without putting in the work. The choices were: either to do the work and get the qualification, or not to do the work and not receive the qualification. Now my client could have responded negatively focusing on how they never got what they wanted and either gave up and regretted not getting the qualification, or carried on and resented doing the work which would have lead to achieving a lower grade.

If you're going to make a decision, you may as well make it from an informed position - 'This is what this option involves, and it includes doing some work that I don't particularly want to do, and I choose this option knowing that is what is required and it's going to lead me to what I want'. Once my client chose to respond in this way, they got on with what was needed and they found the work a lot easier to do as they were not doing it begrudgingly.

By responding to options and people in a positive way allows us to be constructive and we can recognise that this is how it is for now and we are able to make an informed decision and move forward rather than make a decision loaded with disappointment and regret.

The reason why being positive allows us to be constructive is because it changes the chemicals we release. We release mood enhancing chemicals rather than the stress chemicals. This allows us to think and see things rationally rather constantly responding with the 'fight or flight' reaction which only achieves managing things short term and usually achieves no lasting change. We can live life as a celebration rather than something that constantly disappoints us. We can take charge of our life and what we do with it. We can ride life by making informed decisions moving us forward to what we want to have in our lives rather than constantly being battered by it. The person I admired lived life like this and he inspired others to live their lives the same. His life was celebrated by many.

We might not all get the chance to change things tomorrow. Your attitude defines your life; what legacy do you want to leave and do you need to do something about it today...

Sarah

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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September 2006

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be?" Marianne Williamson

A husband of a person I was recently working with shared the above quote with me as he felt it was something that was right to do. Unbeknown to him, I had been going through a personal struggle of which path to take next and although I wanted to go forward I kept holding myself back and it was puzzling me. It's something that I have experienced every time I have moved forward and each time I have worked through it but now I wanted to get to the bottom of it. Maybe it wasn't about the struggle but about what the struggle helped me to avoid.

I worked with someone last year that was in the grip of an eating disorder. We worked through many things together and they gained relief through the work we were doing and although their behaviour changed and became less severe, it still remained. At the end of one session, they realised that they believed that their life would be perfect if they no longer had the eating disorder, but it was scary for them to give it up in case they found out that it wasn't perfect so at that point it felt "safer" to keep the eating disorder and avoid finding that out.

A while ago, I worked with another person that felt that her husband was constantly undermining her, and she was beginning to feel powerless in her relationship and herself. As we started to work, she started to look at why he was behaving in this way. She knew he loved her but she realised that he was scared of losing her. She realised that she was quite a powerful person and that scared him and the only way that he felt he could hold onto her was by making her feel powerless so that she wouldn't have the power to leave him.

What if we are "powerful beyond measure"? What would that mean to you and others around you; your insecure boss that believes that they are not good enough; your partner who believes they are unlovable; your parents who didn't fulfil their true potential? How would they all react if you started acting as your true powerful self? Maybe our deepest fear is what will happen if I am "powerful beyond measure". We are taught as children by others, who were taught themselves that it is "unsafe" to be in their own power, to limit ourselves. We will all have some limiting belief that was passed to us even if we're not aware of it.

I read of a person who was working through the emotional impact of having breast cancer. Her mother and sister had both died of breast cancer. She worked through all of her fears and beliefs until she realised that she felt she would be "betraying" her mother and sister if she lived, "Who was she to survive this?", and if she lived that would prove that she was "better than them". I had another client who believed that anything worth having was something that he had to struggle for. If it had been easy, then it wasn't worth anything no matter how great the achievement was. As we worked through it he realised that his mother had had to struggle for everything so why should he have it easy when his mother didn't? The belief to limit himself to this was, "Nothing that's worth anything is easy". He limited himself so that he wouldn't have it any easier than his mother and nothing more than this would be reflected back to her.

Why do we do this? People who feel inadequate, powerless, feel uncomfortable around people who feel powerful. They can feel intimidated by them and to make themselves feel better, they might put them down by phrases like, "Who do they think they are?", they may focus on their negatives as, "They may have money but they don't have a happy relationship", or misuse their power, for example the boss that discriminates against an employee. We usually form our fundamental beliefs when we are young. As children our survival is based on the ability to get our needs met. We work out ways that best maintain getting our needs met. For example, we may realise pretty quickly that if we are angry and we don't get fed because of this, that getting angry is not the best way to survive and we then take this belief on as fact. Beliefs over time can become generalised i.e. it's not safe to make people angry. We are very adaptable and once we find a way that guarantees we get fed, we take on that behaviour as how we need to be in that situation. This then can transfer into adult life. We may spend our life internalising anger as it's not safe to express it. This may lead to many health and emotional issues but at our fundamental level, survival is our priority and this is what we have learnt as a child is what we have to do to survive, although now it is no longer an appropriate way to behave.

Maybe, we are aware that it's no longer appropriate and understand why we are acting in this way but feel unable to let it go. Maybe it's about what we will no longer be able to avoid once we let it go.

How do we release these beliefs and behaviours? By using the many techniques that are now available to work through the beliefs and behaviours and possibly the time it was formed, and what we believe it maybe like to let go of it and face what we've been avoiding; this again will be based on beliefs created by events in the past. By doing this, we can realise what is no longer working for us and replace it with what is appropriate based on our present understanding.

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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August 2006

Friendly Disclaimer: The entire contents of this website are based upon the opinions of the owner, unless otherwise noted. Individual articles are based upon the opinions of the respective author, who retains copyright as marked. The information on this website is intended for a sharing of information and is not intended to replace qualified medical advice or care or a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Any person who does not adhere to this are to assume the risk of injury.

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July 2006

"There will be a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning." Louis L'Amour Over the last week, I have presented and co-presented two workshops on the basics of NLP and NLP & Spirituality. Although I use NLP on a daily basis, I have not explained the basic principles of what it actually is for a while, so I decided to re-read the basics. No matter how much we know or how much we use something, it's sometimes surprising how much we can still learn. As part of coaching the students on Phil Parker's diploma course in London, the coaches sit in with students during the teaching. We get to see the course repeatedly. Each time I attend I learn something new from the course. Even though I continually use the processes in my work, and personal life, and I start to learn things on a different or deeper level, or